The mind is its own place……

The month of May is usually demanding and over loaded than the rest of months for teachers. A big list of tasks is expected to accomplish given tight dead lines. But this hardship can bear for a few days because after it we have summer break…a bonus from the middle of month I started count down of vacations and dreaming of watching movies, reading books, sleeping for unlimited hours and last but not least trying variety of recipes to make my mama happy that I can cook TOO:). Session ended on a dinner and music gala on second last day before summer holidays but on the last day I received a letter from head office to join training course coming up in the first week of June. My all dreams shattered before blooming.

 

                                              Though training session is usually for longer hours than actual working day but enjoyable at same time. Whenever I join any course, subtract few years from my age to feel like a student. Training is useful if a trainee him/herself wants to make change otherwise whole year on going workshops, induction courses and seminars affect nothing. I always wonder that every year a dozen of teachers pass training courses not in my school but others well known systems also offer very effective diplomas and degree programme courses in teaching. Moreover lucky one gets scholarship for foreign degrees as well. But CHANGE is observed within few rest are there as decades earlier.

 

          ‘’To change the situation, we first have to change ourseleves.And to change ourselves effectively we first have to change our perceptions.’’   (Stephen Covey)

 

                                                                              And above all one’s love for his profession definitely leads to positive change. I know our education system is polluted whatsoever reasons are but which department is flawless? And we become very eloquent to share views about woman’s role in Islam, politics and education, but it remained discussion for the sake of discussion. Enough has written, said and suggested to improve the respective department but being individual we never take a step ahead to ‘’reculture’’situtaion in the prescribed parameters.

                                            

                                                                                          I love my profession and students. I keep on striving hard to bring a change in my kingdom (classroom) by applying variety of lesson techniques and strategies. I believe every child can score a standard grade varies in subject performance. I get frustrated due to lack of appreciation and motivation. But than there is nothing important than heart contentment and let result be left to Allah.

                                                                   

                                                  The mind is its own place,and in itself

                                                Can make a heav’n of hell,a hell of heav’n (Milton)

 

                                       

 

Taira sarapa kaisa hay humdum…

Yesterday, I had an entry test for some sort of scholarship given by one of the well known private university. As I reached over there in my bestest outfit imported from Generation with bestest mood. In the fraction of moment, realized that I have been dropped at a wrong place. Immediately I checked my calling letter for the confirmation of address and it was correct. But why everyone around there has teasing tone in her/his eyes and proving that I m looking too stupid

 

All of sudden whole of my effort to be looking best just evaporated, when I found myself among the hub of desi western babes. A wave of humiliation just overwhelmed me and flood of tears were ready to sink me down:(. My high profile suit turned into a series of laughter which I could feel when chicks attiring capries and sleeveless tops passed by me throwing sarcastic glance. Forcefully, I scanned circulars displayed on the soft boards and tried to enjoy the dcore of waiting area to avoid their ultra violent rays.

 

Meanwhile, I stood up holding a slogan I M THE BEST ‘cos the influence of catwalk just went away as quickly as it captured me. To pass the time as I arrived 20minutes earlier, my eyes desperately searching here and there to catch a glimpse of prince charming, an angry young man, or even a macho typical eastern chap but there was nothing like this rather one can easily find a group cladding like kidos.Which designer recommend them to wear coloured shirts (neeli, peeli, hurri etc), beautify with ornaments and having streaks even…koi samghay in deewano ko

 

Anyhow test went very well. On the way back to home I peeped in Khadi, outstanding outlet in Lahore and my poor pocket can afford a luxury of Khadi suit and Generation once or twice in a term,’cos only these two stores have grand display of  typical Pakistani range while  rest are all heaped up with hip hop styles.

dil ki dunya

have you ever thought that there are few things in life which we cant buy even prayers cant bring them for us.And have you ever thought ‘’sometimes these things”are our whole world…dil ki dunya             

so can anyone live in this world without dil ki dunya

 rozay awal say woh bhi mugh tak annay ki koshish main hay

rozay awal say main bhi,us say milnay ki khawish main hoon

lakin woh aur main…….hum dono

apni apni shaklon jaisay lakhon ghorakh dhandon main

chup chap aur hayraan kharay hain

kon hoon main…..

aur kon hay tu…!!

thought of the day

If you love it,set it free

if it comes back,it yours

if it doesnt,hunt it down

and kill it…

end of the story

O’Allah

Those who happily leave everything in Allah’s hand will eventually see Allah’s hand in everything. Worry ends where faith begins.

 It’s easy to say but difficult to act. I beg, plead and fight with Him but can’t build up confidence to handover all my worries to Him and lead peaceful days. Though in panic hours I run to Him and assure Him there is no one who makes sense out of my broken words, who calms down tsunami which most of the time blows me straight away and that is He who enlightens my path which remained gloomy frequently I think so.Gradullay things settle down and life humming around me and strengthen my grip on the track just because of my Supreme patron..Allah.

 

 Meanwhile, I remind myself constantly that I can’t control those things which are not in my hand or power, so I should loosen the weight of the globe from my shoulder and let the ground carry the burden of those things which happen. But it is just kind of text; practically I can’t fully surrender but am used to absorb all agonies breathing in my surrounding and running here and there desperately for help.

 

 Most of the time I make my relationship with Allah main totally commercialise and wants to get reward of my abadats instantly. Though I know to remember Him five times in a day is just a note of thanks to His blessings but I m too weak and selfish person when I supplicate to Him.

 

I don’t have those passions and strong nerves which are required to remain firm during hardships and never get stumbled on trivial matters which just spoil the beauty of life. So I say day and night…..

 

O’Allah: Soothe burning hearts with the coolness of faith

 O’Our Lord: Give peaceful slumber to restless and serenity to disturbed souls

O’Our Lord: Guide the confused ones to your light and those that are astray to your guidance

O’Allah: Remove from us misery, affliction and anxiety……….Ameen

 

titlian,khawb aur phool

hum koi dunyia say niralay tu nahin hain

hum bhi us waqat main jeetay thy jahan

tatlian,khawb aur phool

sheher hum ko bhi muqadar main mila hay jis main

dharkanain gum hain aur shor say hoo ka alam

hum bhi us gher kay makeen hain  k jahan

waqat katay bhuj jati hay is umer ki lo

ik bay mesruf o gumnam iraday ki tara

hum bhi logo ki tara hain k humain

dukh chupana bhi hay,hansana saray bazar bhi hay

hum pay bhi ehd_e_jawani ka azab utra hay

hum nay bhi door kisee sheher main hanstay hoay

ik shakas ko chaha hay bohat

un hawaon ko sada jana hay

jaisay us sheher say paygam_e_wafa lati hain

dharkanain ankh ka anso tu nahin hain lakin

hum nay gin gin kay gawae hain kisee shakas kay naam

hum niralay hee tu hain

hum nay is gum ko gum_e_jana sa bana rakha hay

umer jis main na koi aas,na anso,na hansi

hum nay is umer ka afsana bana rakha hay

Aay Zindagi tughay dhondo kahan?

It seems life has stopped somewhere.Nothing In and Out excites any more.Days turn into nights and nights are getting longer and longerMundane tasks are done to pass the day but not to live it.Life needs some meaning to enjoy it.But from where do I get it??

Nostalgia!!

If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be;and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger….Nelly, I m Heathcliff!He’s always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.

 

 (These famous lines are taken from Emily Bronte’s famous novel Wuthering Heights.It is the wild,passionate story of intense and almost demonic love betweenCatherine Eranshw and Heathcliff.Possession of love is quite visible..worth piece of reading)

                                                                                             

Hijab:To be or not to be..

The other day one of my colleague has started to cover her head as she was not used to earlier and she remained a hot topic around the campus why and how it’s happened? Anyhow people have passed a lot of comments and might be this bombardment within days she was back to her own, giving a headline that‘’I don’t want to look like a maid, while covering my head’’….and received applause from every corner, though one lady who practises headscarf tried to raise her voice to defend but who cares to listen minorities?

In our neighbours, Turkish women are living and I just wonder that when they come to open main gate or hanging some stuff in terrace, covered from head to toe, but they don’t look like maids…

During university days though we had hell of fights with Iranian girls but always got jealous of their beauty and admired their tag, hijab.

(No debate is required issue related to hijab in Turkey and what makes Iranian girls to wear hijab all time.)

But we don’t have any recognition or carrying any tag and falls here and there, quoting rather interperating religion in different perspective and adjusting it to suit our needs. We are living in a society where cultural and now global or co operative’s environment is affecting our nerves more than anything else. We are suffering identity crisis I think so, if not you but I am.

Days gone, when girls clad in veil or burqa were victamized  as all ill stories linked to them. Now veil has been transformed into another shape but it is being practised in few families still; however surrounding is glamorised day by day.

 Within Islam, the issue of veiling is a subject for considerable debate. Some Islamic experts say the text is open to interpretations, which has accounted for the diversity of veiling traditions across the Islamic world.(I don’t want to go any diverse discuusion,just my concern is that why cant I adopt it ?)

Everyone knows that what Quran says, compulsory to follow it but why I m writing instead to take it just got trapped into society’s norms, scared what people will say? How would I look? How much I can care of its dignity? Leaving most of my habits cos people expecting you just as saint, how cruel they are? How would I bear it in hot weather (it’s very true that one who wears hijab first question other ask from her, don’t you feel uncomfortable in such weather?)Would I encourage at workplace or push to the wall? Long list of fears

How weak I am, slave of so many things, giving hell of reasoning not to wear it, trying to justify myself. May Allah strengthen my faith and give me courage…Ameeen

Though I m suffering of….

Waiting hurts.

Forgetting hurts.

But not knowing which decision to take is the worst of suffering…

Though I m suffering of…

   ”Saray toor ho, saray hashar ho, humain intazar qabool hay

    woh kabhi milain,

    woh kaheen milain

    woh kabhi sahee,

    woh kaheen sahi”