What you can’t change, get compromised and lead happy, prosperous and successful life. A universal fixed formula, a public degree and acceptance of grey colour over either black or white. We do compromise when things are out of our access and are unable to convince other end to get required result, white colour, obviusoly no one prefers to live in black shade but grey, 50-50 life line at least.

                                                                      But whenever I try to drag things or adjust at equilibrium (but compromise isn’t defined equilibrium cos one carries more burden than others in establishment of it), can’t move with it for longer time and fall into black cos to breathe in white is always exceptional. I compromise till my nerves work and sometime beyond my limitations but than prefer to embark defeat. I left Beacohouse School when just promoted as curriculum coordinator along with bumper increments but resigned; reason(s) were whatsoever but couldn’t work on 50-50 deal. We compromise to survive in the system but it’s not mandatory, just change it if you aren’t at ease, if you aren’t enjoying, it’s not the end of the world.  We can kick the job; leave the people and change the scene but can’t turn back from loved ones; to keep, strengthen and flourish the relationship not compromise but sacrifice and just sacrifice is ever lasting medication…………………..Compromise triggers the depression, irritation, frustration blah blah but sacrifice is an elevated feeling bless you with heart contentment … 

                          I had been a stubborn kind of person to full extent and got things done as I wished, as I liked, as I preferred. I was used to run behind things to turn them in my favors, you may say it madness. How far I had to go, whatsoever I had to pay but I got what I needed. And in other words ‘’never give up’’…With this ambitious motto keep walking on and on when all of sudden never give up changed into ‘’hands up’’.When all my efforts failed to grab the best cookie:)… When all my hard work remained unanswered… When desiring the best awarded by nothing…. And utter hopelessness covered me all in all and from those black and bleak hours called and begged Allah main…And from that day I do my best but left the result to Him and Allah sayian knows me that’s why sometime He let me wondering in black forestwhen I feel that there isn’t anything good for me in life in spite of my good deeds which  I keep Him realizing through daily rituals but He is Rehman and Rahim so other time bless me with abundance light..Again black and white…

So mush has said and written about the present government and more is on the way. I thought I should also say my part. Few days back I was listening/watching our foreign minister’s interview on one of BBC talk show and today got chance to hear his plain screaming comments on ARY world.

He couldn’t able to satisfy none of host even in our own local channel. His expression totally reflected a typical local brand and didn’t carry any solid and background knowledge on very sensitive topics related to Pakistan’s security, its position generally at international forum and particularly in South Asia and present panic situation in Fata region. He was too dumb to answer single query in defensive way just repeating the few statements in one or other way.

He is a man who represents Pakistan at world level and look at his aptitude and attitude…Pathetic. Everybody knows that what type of cabinet is leading the state but at least poor form of democracy is breathing yet, so out of these dummies the best candidate must be strong headed profile holder can be selected who can  shut up all bullies because his job’s description demands this tone.

khushboo main basa hoa yah lehja

dastak mairay dil pay day raha hay

aur dhond raha hay mairay ander

ik shak-e-bahar-e-rang jis per

iqrar kay phool khil rahay hain

main kaisay keron yah der kushada

is per tu woh qafal per chuka hay

jia kay lia saray isam baykar

aay mairay khuda,mairay badan main

himat nahin aab shekastagi ki

sheeshay ki tara hay us ka dil bhi

ik thais say totnay ka der hay

maalik hay tu aab o bado gul ka

qader hay humari qismaton per

itni see dua hay mairee tugh say

yah us kay iraday ko badal day

yah mairay sitaray ko badal day.

(Tanzeela Riaz)

People usually declare me as a proud and high-headed person on first account. And it remains as it is till one of use become an ice breaker, fitness to the purpose, otherwise who cares????What so ever is general perception about my profile but might be held partial truth. This attitude is intentionally adopted to avoid for-granted-syndrome, cos ‘’people never thankful creature’’ ‘press you under their feet, thought receptionist is senseless, speechless even conscientious-less.  In spite of this title which is deliberately earned, my inborn impulsive nature wake up most of the time as still cant learn a formula to say NO.

I have started blogging a year back probably during current month. There has not been regularity in posting a single piece even weekly basis .Masrofiat hee bohat:)But in spite of such poor performance a bunch of friends keep dropping their valuable comments to my unstructured scribblings.Thanks to all of you!Interestingly,through out year, my visiting  restricted to these friends blogs,very rare rather had a sufficient time to explore others. But now onwards inshallah will try to stretch my network. Here isa poor assumption ;P about my friends

Lubna: a sweety   and moody who writes record post in a day and than remain lost many days (but in these days there is extreme regularity .Her‘’Tehreer(s) really ‘’speaks’’ what Lubz stand for….

Asma: A very social blogger who has so many on her territory that no one get bored for a moment. Her posts comprise variety of topics like social, emotional, political, geographical:), and economical etc.sometimes  her photographical skill dominates than anything else.

Maryam: well composed person who is crazy about reading and writes comprehensive and tempting synopsis which compel you to grab respective book immediately. Her researched based posts on Quran are truly beneficial for her readers.

Jaffar: well- known ‘’Jaffar bhai’’ is a theorist, who ‘’shakes, breakes and shapes’’ his own alignment/philosophy of life, a good exercise. Some of his posts are just amazing like Qeht-ur-Rijal,me and you etc    

Umer: carries a well balanced, well structured and well narrated blog which initiate a thought provoking discussion. Very soon his little princess (daughter) will login blogging world as mama and baba are already there..Family blog

Zia: A great writer, who’s the longest post, even not let you to blink eyes for a moment.He is a blessed optimistic, that’s why his blog radiates hope, peace and love.

The month of May is usually demanding and over loaded than the rest of months for teachers. A big list of tasks is expected to accomplish given tight dead lines. But this hardship can bear for a few days because after it we have summer break…a bonus from the middle of month I started count down of vacations and dreaming of watching movies, reading books, sleeping for unlimited hours and last but not least trying variety of recipes to make my mama happy that I can cook TOO:). Session ended on a dinner and music gala on second last day before summer holidays but on the last day I received a letter from head office to join training course coming up in the first week of June. My all dreams shattered before blooming.

                                              Though training session is usually for longer hours than actual working day but enjoyable at same time. Whenever I join any course, subtract few years from my age to feel like a student. Training is useful if a trainee him/herself wants to make change otherwise whole year on going workshops, induction courses and seminars affect nothing. I always wonder that every year a dozen of teachers pass training courses not in my school but others well known systems also offer very effective diplomas and degree programme courses in teaching. Moreover lucky one gets scholarship for foreign degrees as well. But CHANGE is observed within few rest are there as decades earlier.

          ‘’To change the situation, we first have to change ourseleves.And to change ourselves effectively we first have to change our perceptions.’’   (Stephen Covey)

                                                                              And above all one’s love for his profession definitely leads to positive change. I know our education system is polluted whatsoever reasons are but which department is flawless? And we become very eloquent to share views about woman’s role in Islam, politics and education, but it remained discussion for the sake of discussion. Enough has written, said and suggested to improve the respective department but being individual we never take a step ahead to ‘’reculture’’situtaion in the prescribed parameters.

                                                                                          I love my profession and students. I keep on striving hard to bring a change in my kingdom (classroom) by applying variety of lesson techniques and strategies. I believe every child can score a standard grade varies in subject performance. I get frustrated due to lack of appreciation and motivation. But than there is nothing important than heart contentment and let result be left to Allah.

Yesterday, I had an entry test for some sort of scholarship given by one of the well known private university. As I reached over there in my bestest outfit imported from Generation with bestest mood. In the fraction of moment, realized that I have been dropped at a wrong place. Immediately I checked my calling letter for the confirmation of address and it was correct. But why everyone around there has teasing tone in her/his eyes and proving that I m looking too stupid

All of sudden whole of my effort to be looking best just evaporated, when I found myself among the hub of desi western babes. A wave of humiliation just overwhelmed me and flood of tears were ready to sink me down:(. My high profile suit turned into a series of laughter which I could feel when chicks attiring capries and sleeveless tops passed by me throwing sarcastic glance. Forcefully, I scanned circulars displayed on the soft boards and tried to enjoy the dcore of waiting area to avoid their ultra violent rays.

Meanwhile, I stood up holding a slogan I M THE BEST ‘cos the influence of catwalk just went away as quickly as it captured me. To pass the time as I arrived 20minutes earlier, my eyes desperately searching here and there to catch a glimpse of prince charming, an angry young man, or even a macho typical eastern chap but there was nothing like this rather one can easily find a group cladding like kidos.Which designer recommend them to wear coloured shirts (neeli, peeli, hurri etc), beautify with ornaments and having streaks even…koi samghay in deewano ko

Anyhow test went very well. On the way back to home I peeped in Khadi, outstanding outlet in Lahore and my poor pocket can afford a luxury of Khadi suit and Generation once or twice in a term,’cos only these two stores have grand display of  typical Pakistani range while  rest are all heaped up with hip hop styles.

have you ever thought that there are few things in life which we cant buy even prayers cant bring them for us.And have you ever thought ‘’sometimes these things”are our whole world…dil ki dunya             

so can anyone live in this world without dil ki dunya

 rozay awal say woh bhi mugh tak annay ki koshish main hay

rozay awal say main bhi,us say milnay ki khawish main hoon

lakin woh aur main…….hum dono

apni apni shaklon jaisay lakhon ghorakh dhandon main

chup chap aur hayraan kharay hain

kon hoon main…..

aur kon hay tu…!!

If you love it,set it free

if it comes back,it yours

if it doesnt,hunt it down

and kill it…

end of the story

Those who happily leave everything in Allah’s hand will eventually see Allah’s hand in everything. Worry ends where faith begins.

 It’s easy to say but difficult to act. I beg, plead and fight with Him but can’t build up confidence to handover all my worries to Him and lead peaceful days. Though in panic hours I run to Him and assure Him there is no one who makes sense out of my broken words, who calms down tsunami which most of the time blows me straight away and that is He who enlightens my path which remained gloomy frequently I think so.Gradullay things settle down and life humming around me and strengthen my grip on the track just because of my Supreme patron..Allah.

 Meanwhile, I remind myself constantly that I can’t control those things which are not in my hand or power, so I should loosen the weight of the globe from my shoulder and let the ground carry the burden of those things which happen. But it is just kind of text; practically I can’t fully surrender but am used to absorb all agonies breathing in my surrounding and running here and there desperately for help.

 Most of the time I make my relationship with Allah main totally commercialise and wants to get reward of my abadats instantly. Though I know to remember Him five times in a day is just a note of thanks to His blessings but I m too weak and selfish person when I supplicate to Him.

I don’t have those passions and strong nerves which are required to remain firm during hardships and never get stumbled on trivial matters which just spoil the beauty of life. So I say day and night…..

O’Allah: Soothe burning hearts with the coolness of faith

 O’Our Lord: Give peaceful slumber to restless and serenity to disturbed souls

O’Our Lord: Guide the confused ones to your light and those that are astray to your guidance

O’Allah: Remove from us misery, affliction and anxiety……….Ameen